Relationships: ENTJ

Wednesday, December 10, 2014 6 Comments A+ a-

Hey, guys! Needed some alone time, so I'm holed up in my room, writing this post while simultaneously watching Ghostbusters II on AMC. Okay, more like listening to it. I've seen this movie so many times that my brain automatically conjures up the images that go with each line. Am pretty sure I'll never outgrow the Ghostbusters gang. :)

So I promised to post more often, and I thought I'd make good on that promise by working on the last relationship comparison. I have to admit, I'm somewhat envious of this personality type. There are a lot of advantages to being a natural-born leader, and that's the best way to describe the decisive and outspoken ENTJ.

Known as the Chief or the Commander, the ENTJ is a take-charge person who excels at identifying and overcoming problems. You'll often find these people at the top of the corporate food chain, leading their companies and organizations down the road to success. They are powerful, extraverted thinkers who can do just about anything they put their minds to.

Here are a few of their strengths and weaknesses (from Personality Page and my Mass Match hard copy):
  • Enthusiastic and energetic
  • Extremely direct and straightforward
  • Good at analyzing and bringing order
  • Big picture thinkers
  • Often successful and good with money
  • Verbally fluent
  • Have a tremendous amount of personal power and presence
  • Able to take constructive criticism well
  • Hold themselves and others to high standards and expectations
  • Can be challenging and confrontational
  • Tendency to be overpowering and intimidating
  • Usually want to be in charge instead of sharing responsibilities
  • Don't always listen well to others
  • Can be very harsh and intolerant about messiness or inefficiency

ENTJ functional stack:
  • Dominant: Extraverted Thinking
  • Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition
  • Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing
  • Inferior: Introverted Feeling

According to Personality Page, the "ENTJ's natural partner is the INTP, or the ISTP. An ENTJ's dominant function of Extraverted Thinking is best-matched with a personality type that is dominanted by Introverted Thinking. The ENTJ/INTP match is ideal, because it also shares the common Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENTJ/ISTP match is also very good."

And Mass Match lists it out like this:
  • Least Likely: ESFJ, ISFJ, ESFP, ISFP, INFP

So what does this mean for a friend/lover relationship between an an INFJ and an ENTJ?

Let's talk about the good stuff. Both the ENTJ and the INFJ see a world full of possibilities. They can intuit the big picture and envision solutions, and I think they'd work well together as a team--especially since the ENTJ is quick to verbalize those solutions and take them into the world. The INFJ loves ideas, but has a bit of trouble seeing them through, and we'd probably appreciate the ENTJ's ability to deliver. The ENTJ also has a flair for bringing order to chaos, speaking fluently, and providing leadership--all things the INFJ values, but can't always orchestrate. I can see where the ENTJ and INFJ might have areas that fit together like a lock and key.

Problems? Well, an INFJ might be intimidated by the ENTJ's forceful directness. We often need time to ponder ideas, turning them over and looking at them from different perspectives. An aggressive decision-maker might bypass our thoroughness and make us feel undervalued. I can also see where the ENTJ's need for constant order and efficiency could stress out an INFJ, who would exhaust herself to meet those high standards. We also hate conflict and avoid it, and I think being exposed to an ENTJ who confronts and challenges us might, over time, lead to an imbalance in the relationship.

Overall, I think this pair could work out as long as each person had well-developed functions and was mature enough to respect the other's strengths and weaknesses.

So when I started this post, I admitted that I was envious of the ENTJ. And I am. As much as I love my INFJness--with all its thoughtful creativity, feeling, and its multifaceted approach--there's a part of me that would like to be strong enough to carve out an aggressive path through life. You know, making those snap decisions that put me ahead of the crowd and ensure success? As an introvert, those qualities are a bit out of my reach. Even if I learned to tap into them, putting them into practice would take me out of my comfort zone.

ENTJs definitely have presence. I kind of wish that came naturally to me. Maybe someday I'll be lucky enough to have one in my circle of friends.

Take care, guys. I'll be back out here soon. And in the meantime, if you encounter a problem, who ya gonna call?? know. :)

Image Credit: Simpsons ENTJ, Intriguing


Write comments
December 11, 2014 at 1:01 PM delete

I'm an ENTJ, old enough to have been around the block, and I agree with most of your description. I cannot not lead. I own and run a company, am in the top 5% of educational achievement, income, and wealth, and I'm a fairly nice guy when I'm not being an asshole. Even my ex-wife likes me. I do disagree with the "Ideal match" part. My first lover was an ISTP, and we had the best time in bed, but I didn't marry her because I perceived her as being slightly nuts (but then, I was not exactly sane myself, at 25). My sister is an INTP, and she is my most steadfast friend, but I would not want to be married to her. Too gloomy and suicidal. Intellectual but cold. Not as cold as an INTJ, but emotionally remote, perhaps.
The woman I like best (and have for the past four years) is an INFJ. I'm attracted to her intuition and kindness. We've talked for hours and not run out of things to say. I'm also physically attracted to her, but she is not interested in a close relationship. I think we make a great team, but only as long as I don't give her any advice, and I never criticize her. The best I can do is to say what I would do (if she asks), and then let her decide what actions to take. I listen closely to her and try not to comment for at least a day, because it takes me that long to understand what she really said. She's built to dream, I'm built to get things done, but when we dance, I can't step on her toes at all. In Socionics, I'm her Supervisor, and who wants to be supervised?
Socionics says that there is an instant erotic attraction between types who have the same first and fifth functions. For me and for ESTJ's, that would be types INTP and ISTP. Maybe that's where they got that idea of compatibility. However, the functional stacks are a long term mismatch between these types.
Socionics also predicts that the best match for an ENTJ is an ISFP. I met one (which is surprising, because our worlds do not overlap much), and while the age difference was too great, I liked her. I felt I could be myself around her, and she around me. She felt very comfortable to me, and if I were her age and just starting out, I'd definitely be thinking possible marriage. I have found Socionics to be pretty accurate despite the biases I've inherited from society, and this is from a natural skeptic who is really, really good at impartial analysis of the world.

June 8, 2015 at 9:13 PM delete

I completely agree! I'm an INFJ and my sister, who is my best friend, is an ENTJ and we make for a great team. I think as long as their is respect going both ways with types that think so differently, then they can make great pairs. We sort of even each other out and make the other person see points from both perspectives. In my experience, ENTJ's are some of the best people to be around because they don't bullshit you, which I have grown to respect. Some sensitve types like myself may take offense to it, however I find that it just forces me to grow thicker skin, especially when I know that they really don't mean to insult, they are just saying it like it is.

January 2, 2016 at 8:20 PM delete

INFJ in a long term partnership with an ENTJ. I love him....and he exhausts me. And he went to therapy in large part to finally learn how to communicate with me without making me feel attacked. He is aggressive and successful and highly skilled and motivated. I can appreciate all of that but crave peace and a quiet place to think things through completely. Even so, I always say everyone needs an ENTJ in their lives, even if they don't realize it. And for all I may be feel and love deeply, nothing compares to the reality that fully cherished in his heart, he is the sappiest person I have ever known, but only in regards to me and our children. The world may require conquering but I am cherished.

July 1, 2017 at 1:01 AM delete

When I was a child, I was very intimidated by my ENTJ uncle for being "mean", but he was just making the point. It helped me in a long term much more, then polite advice, maybe even because of that emotional footprint, which the meeting leaves. I still clearly remember a lot of moments with him even from early childhood, like it was yesterday. When I'm around ENTJ it sharpen my senses and I become more lively. I'm trying to learn from them their efficiency and other principles related to their successfulness. I find funny that almost every ENTJ I know closer, loves to tickle people so much

October 11, 2017 at 10:50 PM delete

I'm very outgoing and confident, with a very bright (and very smart) mind and extreme talent for leading and getting things done. I am an ENTJ, and INFJS are the the type I am most romantically attracted to. I love their intuition and understanding of people, and their usually kind attitude. INFJs also gernally like me a lot, too, (they find me "interesting") and I think it's because of the uniqueness we both have. We're the two rarest types, and are genearly misunderstood in a lot of ways, and I think we both like meeting someone in a similar position. Now, when an ENTJ and INFJ are in a relationship and don't 'get' eachother, it can be very unfunctional with a lot of hurt because they are very different, but, when they understand eachother, they are one of the healthiest matches for one another becaude they balance eachother neatly, as long as they respect eachother's talents and (most importantly) seek to understand one another. The biggest reason I like INFJs is their knack for getting people plus trying to understand, and I (one who feels terribly misunderstood), love when someone trys to 'get' me. So, when an INFJ X ENTJ relationship is functional, it can be spectacular, but when disfunction, a disaster.

October 16, 2017 at 11:03 AM delete

Love this post! I'm an INFJ girl in a relationship with an ENTJ guy. For the most part it works really well, I feel he understands me better than most of my previous long term relationship partners. We've been dating about a year now. In the beginning it was all fun, as it normally is for everyone in the early stages of a relationship. Or at least it should be. He talked a lot, and I listened, and it worked out well that way. We moved in together a few months ago (he's the first partner I've ever felt comfortable enough with to live with). One thing I've noticed and that I would classify as our biggest road block is the F/T difference. He's not super quick to express his emotions verbally, and sometimes I wonder if he even has emotions. Even when he does, they come across as statements, rather than true feelings. As an INFJ I'll admit I'm particularly "romantic" in terms of how I like my relationships to be; I show affection extremely easily and prefer to do so often. I tend to crave reciprocity in romantic relationships, but he doesn't always verbally reciprocate my feelings in the way I wish he would. I know this is just his nature, and I do feel we're able to balance each other out a lot in a sense. Unfortunately enough for me, no matter how rational I try to be, I'm usually upset when he doesn't reassure me that he loves me as often as I would like. When I bring my feelings up it usually comes with some anger from him; he prefers to "show" me he loves me through his actions, and I prefer to wax poetic about how much I love him through words. I do absolutely love him though, and think it's worth it to make it work.