A Perfect Match

Wednesday, July 04, 2012 2 Comments A+ a-


And for those of you in the U.S., Happy Independence Day :-)

It's another hot one where I'm at. My hubby and respite worker have been repairing our house siding for two days now. They start early in the morning, when it's cooler. The humidity is a beast, though. They just came in to get some breakfast and are already wiped out.

They were talking in the living room, so I moved my laptop to the back fireplace room to avoid their chatter. I can't think when deep voices are blabbing. My husband is usually pretty quiet--until another person is in the vicinity. Then he seems to talk just for the sake of talking!

If I had to guess, I'd peg him as an ENT at the very least. I need to have him take the Myers-Briggs to be absolutely sure. He's definitely more of an extravert, and he has some intuition, though it's different from mine. His powers of observation are amazing - he's constantly aware of his environment and has quick reflexes. His thinking is stronger than his feeling, although his feelings are easily hurt. I can't tell about his judgment/perception. I suspect it's more P than J, but am not sure.

If you look at online sites that suggest the best partner matches for the INFJ, you'll find ENTP listed quite often as one of the best matches for an INFJ. Why? From my own perspective, I think it's because of the old 'opposites attract' adage. I know that my areas of strength make up for my husband's areas of weakness--and vice-versa.

Here are some INFJ relationship strengths as portrayed on personality page.com:

  • Warm and affirming by nature
  • Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship
  • Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings
  • Usually have good communication skills, especially written
  • Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
  • Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
  • Good listeners
  • Are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)

And here are some of our weaknesses:

  • Tendency to hold back part of themselves
  • Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities
  • Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
  • Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
  • Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship 

Does this describe you? I see a lot of these in myself, especially the weaknesses, lol!

The website also explains how they pair up MBTI personality types. They look at the four core traits (intuition, sensing, feeling and thinking) and how each is directed (introverted or extraverted):

Our type pairing is a result of combining observation, research, and understanding of Jungian psychological type. Observation and research of married couples shows that there is a definite trend in types that are attracted to each other, and in type combinations that have the longest lasting relationships. Our understanding of psychological type helps to see that these types typically have the same dominant function, but with a different attitude.
Our natural attraction to people who share our dominant function, but who use it in a different direction works very well for us. We not only flip-flop the Introverted or Extraverted trait, but we also flip-flop the Judging or Perceiving trait. In this way, the partner that we choose for ourselves will have a very different approach to dealing with the world. If we are laid-back and indecisive, our partner will be structured and decisive. If we are reserved, our partner will be outgoing. For all of our apparent differences, we will share a common vision of what's truly important in life.
For people whose personality types are dominated by Decision Making functions, (i.e. Thinking or Feeling), their ideal partners will include both Sensing and Intuitive types. Many people have problems communicating effectively with people who do not share their same preference for Information Gathering. So, if you have a very strong preference for Sensing or Intuition, you will need to give the personality type with the same preference a higher value as a likely natural partner. For example, an ISFP who strongly prefers Sensing will work best with an ESFJ, rather than an ENFJ.

So whereas my intuition is introverted, my husband's is probably extraverted. It doesn't seem like that would make much of a difference, but it does. My intuition is introspective. I base most of my decisions on gut feelings or internal perceptions. My husband, on the other hand, bases his decisions on what's going on in the world around him. He picks up on the details that I miss. I suspect this is why he's so baffled by my ability to go inside my head and tune things out. I'm more comfortable in my head. He's more comfortable in the world.

We're also both "idea" people, but our approaches are different. My ideas are deep and profound, related to humanity, which I try and express with words. His ideas are visionary and inventive, related to objects or data, which he expresses in a detailed format. The problem with this? When I ask him if we can afford something, I expect yes or no. Instead, I get a 2-page color-coded spreadsheet that he has to explain to me because it's so complicated! I swear, the man thinks in rows and columns...guess that's what makes him the great business analyst he is. :-)

Of all the relationships I've had, this one has been the most beneficial and satisfying. What's funny is that I prayed for it. As a single mom, I dated for awhile. But no one seemed right. I finally gave up and asked God to pick someone for me, with a few specific qualities in mind (of course). Who knows me and what I need better than Him? When I met my husband a few months later, it wasn't love at first sight. Over time, though, I started realizing that he displayed many of those specific qualities I'd requested. Pretty soon it became obvious he was the man I'd prayed for. Go figure, huh?

So I tell people that my hubby isn't perfect, but he's perfect for me. And he really is. Sometime soon I'll have him take a quick online MBTI and post the results.

How about you? Any matches made in heaven out there?


Write comments
December 1, 2012 at 7:07 AM delete

I love this story. Thank you for sharing. I wish you all the best in yr god-sent relationship. You have inspired me to do the same. I will come back & post if/when ... peace.

July 23, 2014 at 11:05 AM delete

This makes sense to me. I think that esfj/infj relationships can work but it depends on the 2 people and how they manifest their traits and also depends on their individual needs. You definitely have me thinking.