An Angel and a Badass

Monday, July 09, 2012 1 Comments A+ a-

Hey, guys!

I'm actually in the library today. My true summer vacation started at 10:00 this morning. No kids for 12 days. Can you believe it? I almost didn't know what to do first. Clean the house? Paint siding with my husband? Drive to the mall? Get a coffee and hit the library?

Obviously, the library won out :-)

It's been awhile since I've had the urge to work on my book (which, if you didn't know, I'm writing for my youngest son). For the past several days, I've been really uninspired. Not a good thing for an INFJ. Without inspiration, my life quickly becomes colorless and bleak. Pointless even. I lose faith in myself and my purpose. When that happens, the enemy goes to work on me with relentless force, telling me I'll never write anything worthwhile and that my life will stretch out endlessly before me, monotonous and without value.

The quote above? I've read it before - I have two of John Eldredge's books. The story of my life is the story of the long and brutal assault on my heart by the one who knows what I could be...and fears it. So he sharpens his pitchfork whenever I'm down and tries to poke me right where it hurts.


On Sunday, I went to church alone. Almost didn't, but then decided to. My intuition told me I needed to go.

It changed everything.

The usual pastor didn't speak. Instead, a member of the congregation had been chosen to deliver the sermon. As the guy walked to the front, my heart sank. I was here for inspiration, which the pastor always stirs up. Mark is striking and funny, passionate and compelling. He has a witty, charismatic way of speaking that draws me into his message and touches my heart.

The guy who walked up didn't look striking or compelling. He was short and thin with glasses. When he began to speak, his voice was soft and unassuming. My Se noticed all of this, and the "J" in my INFJ immediately told me to prepare for disappointment.

Guess what? It was wrong.

Yes, the guy spoke softly. But what I didn't know was that he works as a news journalist for a local television station. He spoke with a quiet, educated authority that intrigued me, and he used descriptive, complex words. I was also pleasantly surprised by his gentle sense of humor. And he started off the sermon by talking about...storytelling.

Suddenly, I knew I was in the right place at the right time. Something important was going to happen here.

At one point during the sermon, he displayed a traditional picture of Jesus holding a lamb. He said at a certain time in his life, he'd thought of Jesus as kind of a wimp. A mild-mannered shepherd with clean fingernails and a spotless white robe, carrying around baby sheep. How could someone like that save someone like him, who'd fallen into the empty promises of the world and was in over his head?

Then he began to point out all the passion displayed in the scriptures. How Jesus burned with anger against the political hypocrites of the day, overturning tables at the temple and chasing out the moneychangers with a homemade whip. How he spoke the bold truth to the most powerful men in the community, exposing their self-righteous pride with a fearlessness no one else could muster. How he could speak tenderly to the downtrodden and poor and yet scrawl the sins of schemers in the sand until they walked away defeated. He could still a raging storm with a few words. Bring a crowd to its knees with a touching story and stir the rulers of the day into a terrible fury without flinching. And how he could willingly surrender himself to be whipped, scourged, mocked, spit on, beaten and crucified...all because of the tremendous love in his heart.

He wasn't even close to being a wimp, this guy pointed out. He was wild and fierce. Passionate and noble. Loving and kind. Filled with humor and goodness, but still possessing all human emotion and the capacity to feel deeply. Powerful, fearless, and wise. Willing to sacrifice himself for the ones that he loves with his whole heart.

At the end of the message, the speaker said that he's come to the conclusion there's no way Jesus could be a wimp. He fights for us with all the strength and will of a mighty, confident warrior. He looks into the face of the enemy, stretches out his open hand, wiggles his fingers like Morpheus and says, "Bring it on."

I swear to you guys, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. The way this guy described Jesus is the exact way I feel about him. I'd thought I was alone in this view. If you could read the pages of my book, you'd see all of these qualities in Simeon. This guy nailed him. With mild-mannered conviction this speaker validated all the things I'd been doubting in my lack of creative flow. I could have slithered to the floor like a puddle of jello.

Right place, right time.  Holy freaking cow.

When we were dismissed, I literally snuck out the back door. I didn't trust myself to be able to speak to anyone without losing it. And I never lose it. The enemy brutally assaults my heart because he's afraid of what I'm meant to be.

Well, he should be afraid. Very afraid. Because my Simeon looks him right in the eye and says, "You want her? You'll have to go through me first. Bring it on."

Photo Credit
Well, I can tell you I have quite a few boxes lined up inside my head. With labels. Idiot, jerk, loser, nerd, nice person, liar, reliable guy, trustworthy girl, etc. Whatever box I'd put this speaker into, I had to yank him out and find another place for him. Which, thankfully, I can do without hesitation (and meekly) when needed.

Moral of the story? Don't fight my intuition. And trust my INFJ instincts, but be prepared to re-evaluate when my overactive Se jumps to conclusions.

And never, ever doubt my one true love, who is both an angel and a badass :-)


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September 18, 2015 at 7:33 PM delete

U nailed it sista!
U nailed it!