INFJ Top Ten List: #8 - One Person

Friday, November 16, 2012 7 Comments A+ a-


Good morning - and TGIF, right? I can't begin to tell you how glad I am to see this week come to a close. Am ready for a weekend of solitude and creative thinking :-)

Time for Number 8 on the Top Ten List:


8. We only need one person

Because we are introverts, INFJs are completely content being with just one person, whether a partner, friend or family member. When we make friends, it is usually for the long haul and it takes a lot to destroy a relationship. Unlike extroverts or some other introverts, INFJs can spend the rest of our lives with only ever being close to one person and never feel as though we are missing out on other relationships. In fact, we actually prefer it.

When we have many relationships in our lives, we can become easily overwhelmed and feel as though we are not giving our best to each relationship, leading us to feel unhappy, exhausted, and stretched thin.

Now I'm not sure I completely agree with this one. Being with one person at a time is great, but only having one person to share your soul with over the long haul? Hmm, not resonating. Perhaps I'm different because I'm only an "average" introvert (according to my MBTI packet). But if I had to spend the rest of my life being close to just one person, I'd be unfulfilled.

Not that I bare my soul to every stranger I meet. And I do prefer a small, intimate circle of friends--because when I truly care about someone, I give that person a large percentage of my time, attention and resources. To do otherwise strikes me as unfair. So if I had to stretch myself out across more than three or four people, it would drain me quickly.

But I can't imagine sharing the depths of my soul with only one person. No matter how much that person loved and encouraged me, I'd want to share myself with others. This could stem from my personal dislike of co-dependency. Focusing on one person creates risk. That person could disappear and leave a gaping hole in my heart. Because I'm overly protective of my heart, I keep my focus on multiple relationships and reserve the best parts of myself for Christ and writing.

Honestly, Christ is the only one to whom I've ever completely bared my soul. People see some of me. He's experienced all of me. Good, bad, ugly. Uglier and ugliest. He and my Phoenix go toe-to-toe on a regular basis. And while I'm not always on good terms with him, I do find comfort in the fact that he is faithful. He will never leave behind a gaping hole :-)

So, how about you guys? Does one close, intimate relationship satisfy the needs of your heart? Do you find yourself stretched thin when too many people make demands? How do you handle baring your precious INFJ soul to others?

Have a great Friday and weekend....

M.


7 comments

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Colin Machan
AUTHOR
November 16, 2012 at 8:32 AM delete

I would agree, Meridian. However I think what they mean is that we INFJs don't have hoards of friends. I mean, not real 'friends'. Aquaintances, colleagues, co-workers, friends on FB, maybe. But real friends? They only come around once in a blue moon.

There's a whole host of people that I know personally, but only a very small handful that I know well enough to let my guard down to. Let 'the mask' slip. And I think, in some people's lives, there may only be one person...

And, yes, I remember people who I have been very close to who just suddenly walked out of my life. And I mourned! There was that gaping hole... it takes a long time to build that sort of trust, that sort of relationship.

And, yes, Christ is there for me, too :)

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Anonymous
AUTHOR
November 17, 2012 at 3:59 PM delete

honestly that trait is very true about me... i can be so much in peace with myself if i have a few cherished people in my life and no matter how much they hurt me i never seem to let go of the bond we share... also i am very doubtful of new people and i cannot get close to any stranger no matter how attractive they are or what great traits they have.. very true about me in every respect. :)

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Meridian
AUTHOR
November 19, 2012 at 7:06 AM delete

Thanks for responding - I think you're probably very typical of the INFJ personality type. Small group of friends that you hang on to regardless. I am slightly different and not sure why. I do have a tendency to hang on...but I'm also very quick to close doors and burn bridges when I feel threatened. Could be a self-defense mechanism from life circumstances...

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Meridian
AUTHOR
November 19, 2012 at 7:14 AM delete

You're probably right that some INFJs might only need one person. And I think that's fine...it's just not true of me. I get really restless being around the same few people all the time. Sharing with just one person doesn't bring me satisfaction. This might change if I found someone who really--truly--understood me, but that has yet to happen, lol :-)

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Elizabeth
AUTHOR
November 28, 2012 at 2:36 PM delete

I appreciated what you wrote about only completely baring your soul to Christ. That is my experience lately, and it has saved me from a lot of heartbreak! He is the best friend ever...and the only one about whom it is not hyperbole to write that statement.

Thanks for sharing, Meridian!

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LittleHobbit13
AUTHOR
June 15, 2013 at 4:14 AM delete

(Late to the comment party, but...)
Maybe it's more correct to say that we're satisfied having one person we know will always be there. I have a handful of friends that I feel close to, but if all else fails I know my best friend will always be someone who genuinely "gets" me. I know I could survive on her friendship alone if I needed to.

That's not to say I wouldn't like to know more people and make more friends. The aspect of desiring "quality over quantity" relationships is lovely, but it does mean the search for the "quality" ones takes that much longer. I don't think INFJs have fewer friends because we prefer it that way by design and purposely stop looking, so much as we take longer than others to find the right companions, compounded by the fact that we're more comfortable with smaller groups by nature.

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Anonymous
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October 10, 2013 at 4:22 PM delete

I can understand where both the article and you are coming from. I love the idea of having that one person who I can always pour myself out to, but I also understand that it can become quite risky. As a military brat, I've had to move around numerous times, and each time I'm always saying farewell to that one person I developed a strong bond with. I'd like to say that with the development of instant messaging these tear-filled goodbyes have gotten a little less teary, but it's still difficult to no longer see that person on a daily (or yearly) basis.
I definitely prefer a strong relationship with one person than half-hearted relationships with a crowd.
Every friendship I make is dear to me, and I'm sure that I would feel bogged down if I had too many people as close confidants.

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