Defining Moments

Thursday, October 18, 2012 5 Comments A+ a-


Hey, guys - how's it going?
Do...Re...Egon!!

Been a long, tiring day for this INFJ baby. Needed some humor, so I popped in the Ghostbusters movies and crashed on the sofa. Nothing like a little Bill Murray to make me laugh. Those movies are sooooo old. But I love 'em :^)

I happened to get an e-mail from a sweet little INFJ that I hear from occasionally. Young and starting her Freshman year in college, she often finds herself swamped by homework, activities and her job. She has little time for herself. Recently she mentioned that she rarely has the opportunity to make friends and has instead "inherited" her boyfriend's buddies. She seems to be defined by everything else and not herself, and this is causing her internal conflict.

Her words made me stop and think. They brought back memories--some rather uncomfortable. When I was in college, I recall doing the same thing. I was so busy engaging in activities and relationships driven by others that I didn't truly focus on defining who I was. I would invest myself in a few vital relationships and then live in fear that one or more of those people would walk away or lose interest, and I'd be left with a gaping hole in my heart.

Anyone else like this?

The older I get, the more I've had to fight to find and cling to the things that define me. If I don't fight, I get lost in everyone else's stuff. This is why I write, have faith, blog, e-mail, read, go for walks, visit coffee shops, and work out. These activities are part of me. I enjoy them regardless of who is actively involved in my life. They are a foundation to stand on...one that helps keep me from being fearful of losing the people and things that so easily come and go. I'm free to love wholeheartedly for as long as the transient stuff lasts.

So, what defines you? Are you investing in things that are built for the long haul? Are others defining you, or are you building your strong INFJ foundation and firmly planting your feet?

Something to think about...

G'nite,
M.

5 comments

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Elizabeth
AUTHOR
October 19, 2012 at 12:28 PM delete

Really solid thoughts here, Meridian. I can completely relate to having to fight (often against myself) for that personal time.

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Lisa
AUTHOR
October 19, 2012 at 12:53 PM delete

your INFJ friend must be my carbon-copy (: i, too, am an overwhelmed INFJ college freshman. and after the events that have gone down this past week, your post really hit home. you helped me re-evaluate and reflect.

thank you so much.

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Meridian
AUTHOR
October 20, 2012 at 9:12 AM delete

Our ability to empathize and do for others is a great strength - but we can get easily get sucked dry. So definitely keep fighting for what makes you 'you' and enables you to weather the storms of life!

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Meridian
AUTHOR
October 20, 2012 at 9:21 AM delete

Hi, Lisa - sorry you're so overwhelmed right now. INFJs want to please and do the right thing, and we tend to overextend ourselves. I remember getting panic attacks in college because I couldn't do everything AND do it perfectly. Ugh! College pushes round pegs into round holes, and the INFJ is the ultimate square peg. Don't let them shave off your corners, hon! Find your best path and follow it diligently - be true to yourself, k? :-)

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Kimberly
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September 25, 2014 at 11:17 AM delete

I am an INFJ who has a blog that is designed to help people with depression or unhappiness and I am writing a book about being overwhelmed with my focus on others to the eventual exclusion of myself and how it resulted in depression and divorce. Overwhelmed can be our weakness, but maturity makes us amazing! Thank you for this site, I have enjoyed reading...

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