River: A New Perspective

Wednesday, September 12, 2012 2 Comments A+ a-


Hey there--my apologies for yesterday's post. I was in a bad place. But today is better, and I'll tell you why.

The INFJ personality type is complex and changeable. For this reason, I often feel that I'm walking around like a fraud--like my true self is forever hidden. And it is, sort of, because I'm capable of so many perspectives. Each day the strongest is pushed to the forefront, while the others fade into the background, popping their heads in the room occasionally to offer assistance with a problem or viewpoint. I've found that I can live this way and still keep peace in my heart.

When the strongest is held back, however, I feel more unlike myself than usual. Trying to push a weaker perspective forward as a "best face" is both difficult and unnatural for me. I don't particularly care for insincere people and don't wish to be one myself. Yesterday's perspective was, I'll admit, a little gritty. Not my best. Probably good that I kept it behind bars. But I needed a way to slip open the door and let some of it out to keep it from being overwhelmed.

Today I could feel it beating at the bars again, so I took deep breath and gave it some leash. I created a blog as a new character (River), another perspective that's not always tame, but she's there. This blog will be from her vantage point, an ongoing saga about her life in a realm that's as earthy and gritty as she will sometimes be. She's a stronger, much more compelling (and provocative) version of Willow--who is, by the way, still urging me on and has me at page 83. How can I keep all these characters in my head, you ask? I'll just shake my head and laugh. I'm an INFJ, baby. And we are extreme.

So the big question I ask myself is...can I honor God and still write about the darker, more passionate struggles inside my heart? Would another person read it and automatically assume I have no relationship at all with the Holy Spirit? I have to wonder if it's possible for extreme and holy to exist on the same plane.

These are good questions, and I don't have answers. The thing I've noticed about accepting Christ is that while He wants me to love and respect Him and His boundaries, I still live in a natural world with a natural human heart. The apostle Paul struggled with this issue every day, and his letters in the New Testament reveal a man desperately trying to rise above his own instincts and be true to a God that loved him in spite of his frailty and weakness.

Well, I am frail. I am weak. And in those traits, He is able to shine through. My hope and desire is that I can exorcise some of my earthier talents and still allow Him to work through me and tell a story that is relevant and worthy of the task. I might fail miserably, but anything is better than not acknowledging my true self--as I did yesterday, walking around on fire and damaging everyone in my path (ugh!)

I don't know how often I'll post there--likely just whenever the mood strikes. But if you occasionally enjoy a sci-fi/fantasy tale, perhaps you'll come visit once in awhile.

Got a few friend requests already on Facebook. Keep 'em coming, folks, I'm rather lonely here in my little neck of the woods!

Always and forever,
M.

2 comments

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SloanZone1230
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September 13, 2012 at 12:22 PM delete

its so good to know that i'm not the only one who has these dark days. thank you for putting words to the inner struggle i sometimes experience.

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Meridian
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September 15, 2012 at 7:39 AM delete

Glad I could help - and also glad to know others out there share this experience. Being an INFJ comes at a great price sometimes...

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