Home Alone

Monday, July 16, 2012 0 Comments A+ a-


Good morning!

What an awesome day it's been so far. And it's only 9:30 as I begin this post. Laundry is leaping in the dryer, and outside the temperature is already past 89 and climbing. Many household chores await me. So why is it such a great day?

Because the house...is mine.

No kids, hubby back at work. Ahhhhhh...a sigh of satisfaction. Did you hear it? It was pretty loud on this end.
Don't bother me, dude - I'm home alone!

I know it sounds crazy, but I looooooove my house when it's empty. Okay, not completely empty--the dogs are here with me. But they are not an impediment to my agenda. They won't turn on the TV, listen to loud music, talk or expect me to talk, mess up the kitchen, complain about the heat or their empty tummies, or interfere with my chores (except Suzzie...who runs in terror from the vacuum cleaner and will occasionally trip me up).

Today represents freedom at its best. I can literally do anything I want without checking in with anyone. For me, this is truly a vacation day.

Was last week considered a vacation? Yes, in a way. Not having the responsibility of my caring for my disabled son is, in itself, a huge freedom. But up until today, if I wanted alone time, I had to go somewhere else to get it. For example, yesterday my husband was working around the house, and my stepdaughter had come home from her cousin's house for the weekend (the cousin had to attend a funeral). My hubby wants to interact constantly while my stepdaughter blares every annoying TV show or radio station she can find. I knew that if I wanted any peace, it would have to be found outside the house.

So I went to the 9:30 service at church by myself. Afterward I took my laptop to the nearest Starbucks and worked until the library in my hometown opened. I drove back to the library, working there until it closed at 5:00. Came home and took a shower, then drove to a nearby cinema for my fifth viewing of the Avengers movie (seriously...can anyone see enough of Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans together on the big screen?).

It was a great day - but also exhausting. Being in public wears me out. The Starbucks I went to was so packed I could hardly find a chair. And people stare at me for some reason. I'm not being paranoid here...I caught more than one person looking at me. You know, you look up and they turn away quickly, as if they didn't want you to catch them watching. Maybe it's the bright green hardshell I bought for my Macbook, or the fact that I always dress like I'm on safari (Eddie Bauer rocks!). Could be that my facial expressions mirror the content of the paragraph I'm writing (yeah, I guess that would strike people as odd). Whatever the reason, it makes me uncomfortable.

Sometimes I think I must ooze weirdness. It's one of those things that makes being an INFJ such an isolated state of existence. Very few people take the time to find out what's going on inside my head. And what would they say if they did? If they found out I'm not really concerned about the weather, my hair, politics or religion, but instead am taking the intense, thoughtful passion in my heart and trying to mold it into something inspiring? Would they laugh? Spit coffee out their noses in surprise? Run away? So I'm sitting there in that crowded coffee shop, with people staring at me and probably making silent fun of me, and they have no idea that I just might be creating a best-selling book series for teens (oh, come on...anything is possible, right?...the glass is always half full here in the Cafe, folks).

In my opinion, people just don't have a grasp of the INFJ potential. Or the introvert potential, for that matter.

This is so going to happen someday...

At any rate, hopefully the only strange looks I'll get today will be from my dogs. They do get a little wide-eyed if I play one of my favorite songs, sing out loud and dance around the house. It's not my usual behavior--except when I'm home alone.

There's a quote I used in one my Edge posts a few months ago:


The older I get, the more I cherish time alone.  Probably because I haven't lived by myself for so many years.  I'm one of those odd ducks who can be alone and not lonely.  I have discovered that in solitude, I'm more productive, confident, and satisfied with life.  The freedom to make my own choices, rather than merely enduring the choices of people around me, is rejuvenating.  Intoxicating, actually.  I believe it was Charles Bukowski, the American novelist, who said, "I don't hate people, I just feel better when they aren't around."  For me, alone time isn't as much about "getting away" as it is being the person I was meant to be.  No matter how much I love and enjoy the company of others, I'm just not at my very best unless I'm by myself.


Well, I'd better wrap this up if I'm going to enjoy this peace and quiet. I have an appointment at 3:00, so I need to get busy. And if I dance a little bit in between my chores, no one but the pups will be the wiser :-)

Take care and have an awesome and inspiring day,
M.